apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We are two peas in an std pod
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
