You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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