been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
