I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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