You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
