I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
