She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
