He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
