Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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