She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
