Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
