I hate your face
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
