I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
