so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
