When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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