To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
