Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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