So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
