you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
