I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
