need another drink. this is the easiest way
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
