my soul wont recognize me after tonight
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
