I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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