brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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