OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
