Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
