My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
