i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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