She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
