Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
