Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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