it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
