Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
