I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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