I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
