i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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