she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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