Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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