I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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