Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
