mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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