he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
