from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
