look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
