She said her name was "party"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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