So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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