Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
