are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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