I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
