I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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